Homesickness

Facebook, FaceTime, Instagram and Skype are all decent meds to combat homesickness. Peeking at photos and reading status updates, seeing familiar faces and catching facial expressions has helped make me feel as if I'm not missing out on too much. But modern marvels can only do so much. The fact is, I'm still really far away from some really important people.

There are two instances in the last two years that made me especially sick to be home.

The first is a friend's tragedy and subsequent heartache. I won't go into detail because it's not my story to tell, but during her darkest days, I never felt such frustration over being so physically far away. I kept thinking that if only I were still in San Francisco, I'd have jumped in my car and made the drive down to Los Angeles. It hurt so badly to be so helpless. And though I realize a visit to LA wouldn't have taken away her pain, I would have been there. I would have brought soup. And I would have been present.

The second occurred just this past weekend. A very close friend of mine -- one of my favorites, really -- got married in SF. I was devastated I couldn't make the trip happen. Again, I thought in "if onlys." If only I still worked downtown, I would have gone dress shopping with her. If only we still lived down the street from one another, I would have dropped by with calligraphy'd name cards. If only we still shared the same city, I would have attended the most important day of her life. I would have been present.

And so I won't. Instead, I look forward to being present for the big life moments of the future, looking forward with hope and a smile instead of looking back with regret.

A Little June Gloom

I've been feeling a little blue lately. Maybe it's the time of year (Father's Day makes me a little sad; this year is the third without my dad); maybe it's the frustrations of wedding planning; maybe it's the fact that we have yet to find our community of friends here in Shanghai. 

But today, I laughed and I laughed hard and I felt better. I started Mandarin classes this week with five other women: a Russian married to a German, a Thai married to a Brit, a German born in Turkey, an American who has lived in Ireland the last 10 or so years, and an Asian American from Diamond Bar. At one point today, we were trying to put sentences together that we could use when ordering a meal. It took us so long to actually formulate a question that finally, we all burst out laughing, knowing full well that even the most patient of servers wouldn't wait to hear our order in Mandarin and would simply ask what we wanted in English -- our solid efforts wasted. It was a fleeting moment, maybe insignificant to the other women, but for me, it felt so nice to let go and laugh and commiserate with fellow females also far away from home.