I love technology

I've been really missing my friends lately, and it's not just because they're awesome. It's been difficult to make meaningful relationships here. I've explored this before (click here), when we had been here for just three months; it's kinda sad to think that we're more than a year in and the situation hasn't changed much. But there's another reason to add to the list I created last September. Expats are transients. And it's not only because assignments have an end date; time spent here is often filled with business trips and exotic vacations (and man, do those Europeans have vacation time!). It just seems as if everyone is coming and going before they end up gone from China for good.

So when I was able to have a three-way conversation with my friends from home -- Pammie in Albany, New York and Lauren in Berkeley, Calif. -- it did my heart some good.

(Pammie, bottom right, looks great -- at 8 months pregnant nonetheless; I think I caught Lauren mid-sentence; and I have a goofy look on my face as I try to listen and take a screen shot at the same time.)

Want to be our friend?

I have a sad confession to make -- we barely have any friends in China. It’s been harder than we both had anticipated to meet people with whom we click. Now before you call us losers, let me to chalk it up to a few potential reasons. 

One 

I think at our age (early 30s), it’s harder to make friends. At this point, you’re more or less stuck in your ways. Free time is precious and you want to spend it wisely, with people whose company you actually enjoy. There aren’t as many “have tos” or “shoulds”. Some of this NYT article rang true for me. Does it for you? 

Two 

We don’t really fit in with other expats. We find ourselves in this strange milieu. Other foreigners here are either young students looking to party until the wee hours of the morning, or they’re families, living in the ‘burbs with their community rooted in their children’s schools. Fitting neither of these categories, Mike and I have spent a good amount of time with one another. Good thing we really, really like each other. 

Three 

This one may be a bit more controversial, but I’m going to go ahead and say it. Some expats, not all of course, seem to be escaping something. We’ve theorized that a move to China gives some the opportunity to reinvent themselves, to become someone new, and to search out what was missing back home (love? status? popularity?). 

The truth is, Mike and I weren’t running away from anything. We had a wonderful life back home -- the perfect apartment (small in comparison to what we have now, but certainly more charming) in a city we loved, with a wonderful community of friends and family close by. 

Don't get me wrong; it’s not all rain clouds in Shanghai. It has only been three months, and we’ve actually found good friends in a classmate of mine and her husband. But we hope to expand our community here, knowing that the friends we make are likely to be friends for life. I’m not sure you can go through an experience like this one and not form a strong bond.